Thursday, 2 August 2007

Conference II, 419 scams, and French names

Thursday 2nd August
Halfway through, and I'm quite bored. I can't decide whether the week wasted out of hospital is worth the fact that this is a ready-made elective portfolio; on balance I don't think so. However, the leather conference bag is pretty good, as are the heated arguments which break out after every other session and insert inexcusable delays before tea or lunch.

It's not that the data being presented isn't interesting - it's just that it seems fundamentally pointless to be addressing it. 700 maternal deaths per 100,000 and a 25% infant mortality are shockingly high, but unless you change the culture (in which contraception use runs at 5%) and the economy (it's something like the poorest country in the world and is hit by famines every couple of years) you'll just be worsening the imbalance between food supply and demand, and the people you "save" will end up starving to death. Upshot - you have to wonder if you were addressing the right question.

But enough of that – I met my first nutter last night in a taxi. I got in outside the Canadian embassy and was en route to a swanky French restaurant (called, in classic Gallic fashion, Thabakady), and evidently my fellow passenger sniffed an opportunity.

"Hello my friend!" he began, ignoring the fact I had asked for my destination in French. "What is your name?"
"Nicolas," I told him, feeling that his reaching out through the window of a moving vehicle to shake hands was a little excessive. "I'm Womo," (I'm not sure of the name – his English wasn't great, ok?) "and I have come here from Liberia."
I nodded politely, thinking that it was an awfully long way to have come and not the most obvious destination. "I came here because the fighting in Liberia was too much for me, and I have a problem which you can help with! I have come with lots of dollars - I was very lucky to be able to bring them with me."

And bang! I was in a real-life version of one of those Nigerian 419 scams which are proof that the internet, like life, dislikes the stupid.

"I'm pleased you managed to leave Liberia with so many dollars!" I rejoined.

"Ah, but my friend - it is difficult for me here," (presumably because of the exchange rate?) "The people here, they are Muslims, you see, and I am a Christian." He paused nervously, not realising that he hadn't got any chances to blow by 'being' the wrong religion. "They are not kind, these people. I am not telling them about my prblems - you are in fact the only person I've told, and I'm glad you're going to help me."

"I'm afraid I'm not from America, so I don't think I can really help you with these dollars."

"Ah, but my friend, I am very fortunate to have met you! What I'm saying to you is, strike while the iron is hot!" (He had lost me here as well, although not in the way he hoped)

"Um - yes. I still don't see exactly what you want me to do." (And by 'what' I mean 'how', and by 'you want me to do' I mean 'how you plan to fleece me of large sums of foreign currency')

"Ah! Well, when I came here they kept my bags! So, all I need is for you to come with me to the Red Cross office and ask them for my bag." (Hm. Although this sounds unlikely, I don't see how it could involve my getting robbed...perhaps he's genuine after-)
"We cannot go now - but we must arrange a time. And then, when they give you my bag, they will give you your money back."

Notice how "your money" came out of left-field there? Me too.

At this point we reached Thabakady, I paid the taxi driver his 40p fare and leapt out. My New Friend and his hitherto silent accomplice leapt from the car to see if they could close the deal. They couldn't, but Thabakady was very good.

1 comment:

mo said...

How come you get a leather bag when lack of money impedes any improvements in the medical care?! Given how cheap the taxis are, do you have to share with crooks? ~I suppose it is entertaining...xx